Trish

I really enjoyed reading your essay and sharing in your experiences in Africa. I posted a couple of comments on your paper, but wanted to also share the observations that I had while reading your paper.

The impression I got from the introduction of the essay was that you were definitely a visitor in a foreign place. You were clearing noting the differences you were experiencing, but also gave the reader the feeling that you were excited to be there. The opening gave the reader the expectation of hearing more details of your coming adventure.

The main change in this essay had to do with the growth that you experienced as a person. You effectively showed how proud you were of yourself, how you gained confidence in learning new skills, how you went above and beyond the expectations others had put on you, and how you chose to take this experience and make it a launching place for future growth.

I felt the tone of this essay was a positive one, one that shared elements of excitement, growth, and ultimately pride. I thought that it was consistent with the writer's purpose, if the purpose was to share an experience that helped mold who you are. I felt like the main idea was that you were very proud of the things that you did in this experience and of the growth you obtained, and I think you effectively showed this with statements such as "I never thought at seventeen...", as well as showing how challenging the tasks were that you were accomplishing and noting that "all my hard work paid off". You also gave reason to be proud, by showing the reader that there were those that doubted you at home, the work was challenging, but you did it, as well as commenting that it was common for volunteers to faint, but yet, you did not.